Day 12

Hi, my name is ____, and I'm an alcoholic.


And I'm sleepy and serene so this post will be short.


I have a sister who is 6 years older than me and I absolutely adore her. I always have. I think she is phenomenal. Smart, funny, beautiful, elegant; everything I hope to be. And she is my best friend.


Her and I had a tough year. We spent a lot of it not speaking. Because when I am active in my addiction we can't maintain our relationship. And it is a blessing.


There was a period during which she thought that, if I was going to drink, I could at least do it with her because she could keep me safe and supervise. But I soon became a liability and she spent many a night cleaning vomit out of her car while I slept off my drunk. Her anger mounted and my self-centerdness grew and we started to fight. And then stopped talking all together. And it sucked.


It's not as if she didn't want to help or support me, but she was tired of babysitting her 22 year old sister. And she was enabling me.


In the 12 days that I have been sober I have spent time with her at least 4 times and we speak and/or text about every other day. It's wonderful. I ask her how she is doing. I offer her advice. I play a supporting role in her hectic life. And nothing makes me happier. I always said that I would do anything for my sister. I'd give her a lung if she needed it. But what I didn't realize was that all I had to do, all she ever wanted from me, was to put down the drink.


So, the reason I am writing about this tonight is not only because I am completely overwhelmed with gratitude for her, but because when the thought of drinking crosses my mind I think of her. I think of how blessed I am to have a sister. No one will ever love me as much as she does. No one will ever show up unconditionally like she will. I will never be able to trust anyone as much as I can trust her. She is my most loyal confidant. She knows all of my deepest secrets. And, no matter what happens, she looks at me without judgement or disgust. Wow.


While she might not be able to lift my alcohol obsession, the mere thought of her helps me fight it. When I want to drink I ask myself if it's worth losing my sister over. And the answer is no. The answer will always be no.


So, my fellow drunks, the question for you is: who is that person in your life? Who isn't worth losing? Or, if you want to phrase it differently, if X person walked out of your life would you want to drink?